Papa's Shoes

Today, one can hardly avoid any of the television commercials for curing ED: Viagra, Cialis, Levitra, Testora, Aspire 36, and other less well-known remedies. Only a few years ago, one could hardly discuss such a problem for fear of what it said about one’s masculinity. ED, erectile dysfunction, the male condition most males wouldn’t admit to even if subjected to round-the-clock waterboarding. Wouldn’t admit to it then, but now it seems that nearly all males, young and old, are victims of this non-uplifting condition, and nearly all are more than willing to discuss it, admit to it, spend millions of bucks to cure it. I mean, who wouldn’t want to invite a good-looking woman into the woods to lie in adjacent bathtubs admiring the scenery? Viagra got the balls rolling in 1998 and it’s been open game for other products ever since.

Last year my brother sent me a small card, now yellowed with age, that he’s had ever since our father died almost half a century ago. According to Bob, the card was found in our father’s billfold, apparently carried there from some distant time in his past. How unusual that he would have found it amusing enough to carry it with him.

Three quatrains, untitled:

I’m growing old and feeble,
My pilot light is out.
What used to be my sex appeal
Is now my water spout.

I used to be embarrassed
The way the thing behaved,
For every single morning
It would stand and watch me shave.

But now I’m growing older,
It sure gives me the blues,
To see the thing hang down my leg
And watch me tie my shoes.