Words to Live By

Here are a few maxims, a few words of wisdom compiled by Robert Byrne. Some you may already be familiar with but which bear repeating. Most you won’t have seen before now. Pass them on to appropriate people.

For my daughter Laura: Always be smarter than the people that hire you. (Lena Horne)

This, for my daughters Laura and Jeri: The best revenge is to live long enough to be a problem to your children. (unknown)

Better to have loved and lost a short person than never to have loved a tall. (David Chamberlain)

For my boy cat Charlie: Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you. (Mary Bly)

It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers. (James Thurber)

I have a simple philosophy: fill what’s empty; empty what’s full; scratch where it itches. (Alice Roosevelt Longworth)

There is more to life than increasing its speed. (Mahatma Gandhi)

For all my boozing buddies: Is life worth living? That depends on the liver. (unknown)

For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow, but phone calls taper off. (Johnny Carson)

Never play leapfrog with a unicorn. (unknown) [personal corollary: Never extend the middle finger to a young man in a small green car.]

The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it’s unfamiliar territory. (Paul Fix)

Never engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed person. (unknown)

Sometimes when you look in his eyes you get the feeling that someone else is driving. (David Letterman)

Is sloppiness in speech caused by ignorance or apathy? I don’t know and I don’t care. (William Safire)

I’d rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy. (Tom Waits)

For those of you who dislike some of my movie reviews: I am sitting in the smallest room in the house. I have your review in front of me. Soon it will be behind me. (Max Reger)

“When life gives you lemons, open a lemonade stand.” This is just one version of this old optimism saw. But Emo Phillips took it a step further: “At my lemonade stand,” he said, “I used to give the first glass away free and charge $5 for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.”