Puns & Word Play

The English language is so peculiar and must be almost impossible for a non-native to learn (and a lot of natives never learn). For example, “About 8:00 it started thundering and lightening.” Now, does that mean that at 8:00 we could hear thunder and see lightning, or that we noticed the sky lightening? And if we meant the two nouns "thunder" and "lightning," and the two verbs they can also be, then the original sentence should be “At 8:00 it started thundering and lightninging.”  Consider the two words, lightning and lightening. I might say, “We noticed some lightning in the east,” or I might say, “We noticed some lightening in the east.” Two very different meanings.

And that brings me back to puns and word play. Do other languages have such a thing as puns? Do they engage in word play? Probably, but also probably not as many or as often as in Engligh. Here are a few new ones I got from several of my internet friends;

1. The meaning of opaque is unclear.

2. I wasn’t going to get a brain transplant but then I changed my mind.

3. Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It’s very time-consuming.

4. A man tried to assault me with milk, cream, and butter. How dairy!

5. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.

6. If there was someone selling marijuana in our neighborhood, weed know about it.

7. It’s a lengthy article about ancient Japanese sword fighters, but I can Sumurais it for you.

8. It’s not that the man couldn’t juggle, he just didn’t have the balls to do it.

9. So what if I don’t know the meaning of the word “apocalypse?” It’s not then end of the world.

10. Police were called to the daycare center. A 3-year-old was resisting a rest.

11. The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester.

12. Need an ark to save two of every animal? I Noah guy.

13. Alternative facts are aversion of the truth.

14. I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

15. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

16. Did you know they won’t be making yardsticks any longer?

17. I used to be allergic to soap but I’m clean now.

18. The patron saint of poverty is St. Nickless.

19. What did the man say when the bridge fell on him? The suspension is killing me.

20. Do you have weight-loss mantras? Fat chants!

21. My tailor is happy to make a new pair of pants for me. Or sew it seams.

22. What is a thesaurus’s favorite dessert? Synonym buns.

23. A relief map shows where the restrooms are.

24. There was a big paddle sale at the boat store. It was quite an oar deal.

25. How do they figure out the price of hammers? Per pound.

26. Whenever I try to eat healthy, a chocolate bar looks at me and snickers.

27. Ban pre-shredded cheese. Make America grate again.

28. Our mountains aren’t just funny. They’re hill areas.

29. Turning vegan would be a missed steak.

30. Crushing pop cans is soda pressing.

31. Puns about Communism aren’t funny unless everyone gets them.

And, of course, how could I ever get by without a slight jab at our POTUS: The problem with political jokes is that they sometimes get elected.