Thursday, April 11

Dentistry & American Idol

I went to the Midwestern Dental School today for another of what seem like an endless series of dental appointments. But the price is very right and the two students who are assigned to me . . . or I to them, are very nice, Dan and Dave, two young men who will go far in dentistry. It’s been nearly a year since I first went to them to see what they could do with my awful bite. So now I’m in the process of having a full upper and partial lower made. I’m so looking forward to finally having a true bite again, because for that near year I’ve not had at all a satisfactory bite. I manage to get food down, but it’s easiest with soft stuff like mashed potatoes, chocolate shakes, soups, chocolate shakes, spaghetti without the meatballs, chocolate shakes. As you can probably see, if push came to shove, I could very easily live on chocolate shakes. While I was sitting in the lobby, waiting for Dan to come get me, I noticed a woman sitting across from me, her left leg crossed over her right, left leg vibrating at about a thousand beats a minute. I’m not sure how she was able to keep up that pace without any conscious effort. But it reminded me of something I’d read a long time ago, that women who unconsciously give their crossed leg the rock and roll treatment are actually unconsciously masturbating, just as women who love to horseback ride are less in love with the horse than with the saddle horn, and trotting is better than walking or galloping. Did I really read that or did I make that up? If it’s true, then a lot of ladies out there could verify it. If I made it up, then I must be a dirty old man.

I swore a few years ago that I would never, never, never again watch American Idol. And again this season I’m watching it. I have in the past ranted and raved against Nicki Minaj both as a singer and as a ridiculous person with that ridiculous makeup and hairstyle. But, lord help me, she makes a lot of sense in her comments about the performers and their performances, much more than Mariah Carey, who can only lapse into lengthy word searches, as she tries to out-comment Nicki. Of course, I still can’t stand Ryan Seacrest, and I still hate Randy Jackson’s “Yo, Dog.” But now that they’re down to the last six, it’s sort of interesting, especially with the five remaining women doing so well, especially Kree Harrison and Candice Glover. A sign that the voting is as much a popularity contest as a talent contest, Lazaro Arbos is still there, and he shouldn’t be. And even his most ardent supporters have to let him go after that pathetic performance last night. If he doesn’t go, then I swear I’ll never watch another A.I. ever again. I swear it. But I and most viewers can see Kree and Candice as the final two, with Kree probably winning it all.

at

2 comments:

  1. AndreaApril 12, 2013 at 2:07 PM

    I'm a crossed-leg foot jiggler and I did a fair amount of horseback riding as a teenager, but if either of those activities was supposed to be providing with some kind of sexual stimulation/satisfaction, I must have been doing them both wrong.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Jerry TravisApril 12, 2013 at 5:47 PM

    I stand corrected. I must have misread it or it was never written and I only imagined it. So, you're a crossed-leg foot jiggler, are you? But now you'll be thinking about it every time that foot jiggles unconsciously.

    ReplyDelete

Please let me know what you think of my posts by writing in this comment box.