Trump versus Clinton

After Tuesday’s primaries, the results of which make it almost certain we’ll see Hillary and The Donald duking it out for the White House. And, oh, will it ever be a dirty duking, even muddier and bloodier than what we’ve seen for the last four or five months. High school coaches are fond of telling their teams, there is no “I” in “team.” One might also say there is no “I” in “Trump,” but there should be because he inserts it in nearly everything he utters during his news conferences. But there is a “u” in Trump, as in vacuous (lacking in ideas or intelligence), fatuous (silly, stupid, asinine), vaunt (to make an empty boast or ostentatious display of nothing much), and a double “u” in vacuum (a space from which most or all of the matter has been removed). Any time a reporter asks him anything substantial about what he will do if elected president, he simply says “I’ll fix it” or “I’ll take care of it.” Jobs? “Oh, I’ll bring back millions of jobs from China and Mexico.” The Wall? “Oh, yes, I will build it and Mexico will pay for it.” ISIS? “I’ll strengthen our military and make it so strong no nation or terrorist group will be able to overcome it.” Women’s rights? “Yes, I love women. And women love me. I get along with most women, but not lying Hillary. She should be put in prison for what she’s done. And Carly Fiorina, lying Ted’s running mate? Well, she’s too ugly to be vice president. But I love most women and most women love me.” The deficit? “I’m a very successful businessman, and I know how to make money, so I’ll get rid of the deficit in my first term.” Muslim immigrants in the US? “Well, they’re dangerous and I’ll round ‘em all up and send ‘em back where they came from. All the illegal Mexicans too.” The reporter then asks, “How, Mr. Trump, are you going to accomplish all that?” “Oh, don’t worry. It’ll get done. I’ll make America great again, do away with everything that weak sister Obama has done to make us weak.” “Well, thank you, Mr. Trump,” the reporter says, with only a hint of sarcasm. “You’ve certainly enlightened us all about your proposed plans for your presidency.”