“Listen” and “Silent” have the same letters. Coincidence?
I dream of a society where a chicken can cross the road without its motive questioned.
To save time, let’s assume I know everything.
I don’t expect everything to be handed to me. Just set it down anywhere.
If it moves, it’s biology. If it stinks, it’s chemistry. If it doesn’t work, it’s physics.
There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats.
“Let’s eat Grandma.” “Let’s eat, Grandma.” Commas save lives.
Grammar Police: to correct and to serve.
“Their,” “There,” They’re not the same.
Sarcasm is the mind’s natural defense against stupidity.
“Quondo omni, flunkus mortati” (“When all else fails, play dead.”)
“Irony,” the opposite of “wrinkly.”
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I don’t know when or where I got this, but it seems relevant today, as it must have seemed to Bill Gates, who gave a speech at a high school, about eleven things the students did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically-correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.
Rule 1 – Life is not fair, get used to it.
Rule 2 – The world won’t care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
Rule 3 – You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won’t be a vice-president with a car phone until you can earn both.
Rule 4 – If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.
Rule 5 – Flipping burgers is NOT beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping, they called it opportunity.
Rule 6 – If you mess up, it’s not your parents’ fault, so don’t whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
Rule 7 – Before you were born, your parents weren’t as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes, and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So, before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parents’ generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.
Rule 8 – Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they’ll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. This doesn’t bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
Rule 9 – Life is not divided into semesters. You don’t get summers off and very few employers are interest in helping you find yourself. Do that on your own time.
Rule 10 – Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
Rule 11 – Be nice to nerds. Chances are you’ll end up working for one.