Flight & Fatties

I realize how few people who follow this blog would be interested in hearing about our trip to South Dakota. But there are a few things I have to say if even to myself.

First, a comment about air travel as opposed to ground travel. Flying is almost too complicated these days. In the past, pre-9/11 days, one could get to the airport, check luggage at the terminal entrance, find the right gate, sit a bit, and then board the plane. All a process requiring at most half an hour to an hour. Now, one has to arrive at least two hours ahead of departure, standing in a line for thirty or forty minutes to check in luggage, then another ten or twenty minutes to go through a security check sans shoes, belt, everything in the pockets, then an hour or so waiting to board the plane. Whew! Then a heavy sigh as one sits too near a seat companion and waits for takeoff. But first, nearly all passengers cramming ponderous carry-on luggage into overhead compartments, then a helium-voiced attendant shrilling incomprehensible pre-flight instructions at a rate of 1,000 wpm. No longer any free amenities as in the old days; now you pay, through the nose—$2 for water or soda, $3 to $5 for assorted snacks, $5 for beer or wine, $7 for cocktails. And $6 if you want a pillow and blanket. It all seems so complicated now. I think I’d almost rather spend three days in a car than fly to my destination. The old days of flying were better, but the new days require a necessary security thanks to all the terrorists who would prefer to kill as many of us infidels as they can.

We got to Bismarck, ND, at 7:30, then stood in line for half an hour waiting for our luggage and an Enterprise rental car. And finally, finally, we were on our way south into South Dakota. But first, naturally, we had to stop at a Perkins restaurant not far from the airport. This is a Perkins we had visited many times coming from and going to the airport, and we should have remembered the size of the portions. But we didn’t. Rosalie ordered a cheeseburger and fries and I a Reuben melt and fries. Her cheeseburger was huge, with lettuce, tomato, onion, and enough fries for three or four NFL linebackers. My Reuben was huge, with enough fries for three or four NFL offensive linemen. Why do too many restaurants now serve meals that are at least 40% too much for normal people? Maybe that’s why we now have too many abnormally large people, too many big-bellied, big-butted girls and boys, too many roly-poly men and women all galumphing around the country.

To be continued.