Current Nonsense

When searching for nonsense in today's world, there's almost too much to choose from. Ah, ha! A dangling modifier in my first sentence. This is a grammatical error when one uses some introductory phrase that suggests the subject of the main clause will be the one doing it. As in this example, who's doing the searching? Well, I am, but I'm nowhere to be found in the sentence, thus the modifier dangles, like a limp penis. And there, I just found my first bit of nonsense, right in my own backyard. Or maybe that should be, "my own frontyard."

Another nonsense, this time not so much silly as simply making no sense.

I watched Thursday's soccer match between the U.S. and Germany. I don't know much about soccer but even I could see that the U.S. got outplayed by a hefty margin, but the final score was only one to zip. And all the newscasters were telling us that it didn't matter as long as Portugal beat or tied Ghana. And that made no sense to me at all. It seems that as long as Portugal didn't beat Ghana by too many points, the U.S. was going into the next round whether they won, drew, or lost. And soccer fans think our version of football is complicated.

Here's a doozy from today's news. On January 30, a female teacher administering a high school equivalency test in the Pinal County state prison was raped, and yet there was no report of the assault to the Arizona Department of Occupational Safety. "It is required to report incidents only in which there is a fatality or more than three people are hospitalized." What?! Here's even more nonsense: She was giving the test with no guard nearby to half a dozen inmates in the prison's Meadows Unit, which houses about 1,300 rapists, child molesters and other sex offenders. No guard nearby. 1,300 sex offenders.

And finally, John Boehner, House Speaker, is suing the Obama administration for its use of executive actions to change laws. What GOPtigoogle and GOPtigoop!

Speak softly, John, but carry a big stick. John Boehner and the GOP are the most nonsensical items on the current agenda.