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Match Play is a golf/suspense novel. Dust of Autumn is a bloody one set in upstate New York. Prairie View is set in South Dakota, with a final scene atop Rattlesnake Butte. Life in the Arbor is a children's book about Rollie Rabbit and his friends (on about a fourth grade level). The Black Widow involves an elaborate extortion scheme. Doggy-Dog World is my memoir. And ES3 is a description of my method for examining English sentence structure.
In case anyone is interested in any of my past posts, an archive list can be found at the bottom of this page.
My newest novel, Happy Valley, can be found here.

Friday, July 15

The Open, Some TV, and 2 Golf Jokes

For anyone crazy enough to get up in the middle of the night to watch Open golf in England, you were probably as delighted as I was when Tom Watson hit a 4-iron into a strong breeze at the par-3, 160 yard sixth hole, the ball landing on and bouncing once directly into the cup. I certainly hope he had two pairs of pants with him, because he had a most unlikely hole in one.

And on to television.

So You Think You Can Dance just keeps getting better and better, with lavish costumes for the dancers and amazing lighting effects for each performance by the couples as well as the entire company. Comparisons are invariably made to its sister reality show, American Idol, but anyone who’s seen both would agree that Idol comes off as a sorry second. SYTYCD has so much more class than Idol with judges that actually know what they’re talking about, with a format that doesn’t rely so much on viewer voting to decide who stays and who goes, with Cat Deeley instead of Ryan Seacrest, and choreographers who keep going farther and farther in their quest to create intricate and dramatic dance routines. If you’re not presently a fan, watch it just once and you’ll become one.

And I’m more convinced with each episode that Men of a Certain Age is the best show on the tube. The writers manage to keep each of three plot strands going in unpredictable directions, none of the three overshadowing the other two. Joe (Ray Romano) is now attempting to make it on the senior tour, and Romano, after many golf lessons, now actually looks like a golfer. Terry, the aging Lothario, has had success selling cars for his buddy Owen Thoreau, but he still yearns for some kind of creative success, either as an actor, or in a new role as director. And Owen has to put up with his father, the founder of Throeau Chevrolet, and they just keep losing money. This is a really unpredictable show, full of interesting characters and plot twists. As with SYTYCD, if you haven’t seen these Men, you should.

And two more golf jokes, both oldies, but still very much goodies.

1. “The Yukon Department of Environment advises golfers to take extra precautions against bears, while playing on golf courses in Whitehorse, Annie Lake, Dawson City and Watson Lake. They advise golfers to wear noise-producing devices such as little bells on their clothing to alert, but not startle, the bears unexpectedly. They also advise you to carry pepper spray in case of an encounter with a bear. It is also a good idea to watch for signs of bear activity. For example, golfers should be able to recognize the difference between Black Bear and Grizzly Bear droppings on the golf course. Black Bear droppings are smaller, and contain berries and possibly squirrel fur. Grizzly Bear droppings have bells in them, and smell like pepper spray.”

2. Joe was trudging off the course after what was his worst round in years and years. He’d hit three balls out of bounds, had four penalty strokes in one pond or the other, and had so many 3-putts he couldn’t even count them. He passed a dumpster at the back of the clubhouse, took each club out of his bag one at a time, broke each across his knee and deposited the pieces in the dumpster, then followed with the bag. He went in the locker room and sat wearily on the bench by his locker. He found an old single-edge razorblade on the shelf and slashed each wrist. At that very moment, Charlie came through the door, saw Joe and shouted, “Hey, Joe, I’m getting up a group to play tomorrow. You interested?” Joe stood up with wrists crossed tightly and shouted, “What time?”

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