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My books can be purchased as e-books for only $1.99. If interested, just click here: Books.
Match Play is a golf/suspense novel. Dust of Autumn is a bloody one set in upstate New York. Prairie View is set in South Dakota, with a final scene atop Rattlesnake Butte. Life is the Arbor is a children's book about Rollie Rabbit and his friends (on about a fourth grade level). The Black Widow involves an elaborate extortion scheme. Doggy-Dog World is my memoir. And ES3 is a description of my method for examining English sentence structure.
In case anyone is interested in any of my past posts, you can find an archive list at the bottom of this page.

Monday, August 1

Ed McBain

I have to share with you some of the good stuff from McBain’s Matthew Hope series. All of what follows is from Jack and the Beanstalk. I hated to see McBain go, he was such a good writer. I hope you enjoy these snippets as much as I do.

Frank’s (Matthew’s lawyer partner) rules for treating a woman: 1.. Always treat a lady like a hooker. 2. Always treat a hooker like a lady. 3. Never send a lady anything perishable. 4. Never send a hooker anything durable. 5. Never try to buy a lady into bed. 6. Never try to talk a hooker into bed. 7. Always tell a lady you love her. 8. Never tell a hooker anything. 9. Never believe a lady who tells you she’s a lady. 10. Never believe anything a hooker tells you.

Frank believes that everyone’s name is either a “frère Jacque” or an “Eleanor Rigby.” For example, Jerry Travis is a frère Jacque, and Rosalie Travis is an Eleanor Rigby.

Matthew, commenting on a friend of Joanna’s named Daisy, after Daisy Buchannan from The Great Gatsby, which led him to remember, “I suddenly remember what we used to call The Great Gatsby back when I was an undergraduate at Northwestern. The Light on Daisy’s Dock. This was supposed to have sexual connotations. ‘Daisy’s dock’ referred to Daisy’s vagina. The possibility that it had a light on it was enough to send all of us pink-cheeked sophomores into gales of hysterical laughter. We also used to enjoy singing a song called ‘I Wonder Who’s Kissing Her Now,’ the ‘now’ being synonymous with the ‘dock’ Daisy had a light on. Oh my, we were such great wits back then."

A woman goes to see a gynecologist. The gynecologist says, “What seems to be the trouble?” The woman says, “My husband keeps complaining I have a very large vagina.” “Well, let’s take a look,” the gynecologist says. He puts her up on the table. He puts her feet in the stirrups. He takes a look. “My God, what a huge vagina!” he says. “My God, what a huge vagina!” “Well, you didn’t have to say it twice,” she says. “I didn’t!” he says.

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