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Match Play is a golf/suspense novel. Dust of Autumn is a bloody one set in upstate New York. Prairie View is set in South Dakota, with a final scene atop Rattlesnake Butte. Life in the Arbor is a children's book about Rollie Rabbit and his friends (on about a fourth grade level). The Black Widow involves an elaborate extortion scheme. Doggy-Dog World is my memoir. And ES3 is a description of my method for examining English sentence structure.
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Monday, November 7

Ole & 3 Mice

I have absolutely nothing to say today. So how about a lengthy Ole joke on the new math and three mice with attitudes..

A construction site boss was interviewing men for a job when along came Ole Olson. The boss thought, "I'm not hiring that dumb Norwegian!" So he decided to set a test for Ole, hoping he wouldn't be able to answer the questions, and he'd be able to refuse him the job without getting into an argument.

The first question was, "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."

So Ole says, "Dat's easy!" and proceeds to draw three trees.

The boss says, "What the heck's that?"

Ole says, "Tree, 'n tree, n' tree makes nine."

"Fair enough," says the boss." Second question, same rules, but represent 99.”

Ole stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree. "Der ya go sir," he says.

The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"

Ole says, "Each tree's dirty now! So it's dirty tree, n' dirty tree, n' dirty tree, dat’s 99."

The boss is getting worried he's going to have to hire him, so he says, "All right, question three. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."

Ole stares into space again, then he shouts, "Got It!" He makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Der ya go sir, a hunderd."

"Go on Ole, you must be crazy if you think that represents a hundred," says the boss.

Ole leans forward and points to the marks at the tree bases and says, "A little dog comes along and poops by each tree, so now you've got, dirty tree an' a turd, dirty tree an' a turd, and dirty tree an' a turd, which makes one hunderd. When do I start da yob??"

* * * * * * * * *

Three mice are sitting at a bar in a rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are. The first mouse downs a shot of Wild Turkey, slams the glass onto the bar, turns to the second mouse and says, "When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it twenty times to work up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese."

The second mouse orders up two shots of tequila,downs them both, slams each glass into the bar, turns to the first mouse, and replies, "Yeah, well when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it home, grind it up to a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning so I can get a good buzz going for the rest of the day."

The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse. The third mouse lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, "I don't have time for this bullshit. I gotta go home and screw the cat."

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